My Mutilated Fairy-Tale

There is a darkness filled with chaos, noise and tears that surrounds and consumes. Leaving no trace of hope or love. It suffocates those it attacks, leaving little chance of survival. But in that darkness there is a still small light. It is often overshadowed by the cloud of destruction, but has the power to redeem, rebuild and save. This is my tale of darkness, rejection, betrayal, hurt & madness AND one mans spilled blood that saved my life.

Disclaimer: All events posted are true to the best of my knowledge. I do not have the clearest memory of my past, therefore the events noted and the timeline communicated is conveyed to the best of my knowledge, as accurately as possible. The point of this blog is not to create a detailed timeline of my history, but to show you from where I have come to where God has brought me.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Hurting People, Hurt People

I often pray that God will allow me to see people as he sees them and not as I might see them. The Lord has been breaking my heart for the last few weeks. He has been opening my eyes to a hurting and dying world and reminding me of where I have come from. You see, God has done so much for me and changed me in an amazing way, but sometimes I get caught up in my new life and forget that there are people out there who are where I once was. And those people need Jesus.
If you talk to most Christians they will tell you that they want to save the poor, the drug users & dealers, the prostitutes, the suicidal, the broken & the tormented. Yet, when they encounter the sins of these people they become appalled and run as far as they can. I too am guilty of this. I am often impatient, judgmental and intolerable. But in these people I see myself. I see myself before Christ.

And then God reminds me of how he has changed me…

It was not long ago that I was the hurting person that hurt people. For so long people had sinned against me and made me so cold to any form of love or compassion. I, in turn, sinned against others and against God. The weight of it all was so much to carry. I carried around painful memories that would rear their ugly heads to torment me. I carried around the wrongs that I had done to others and the conviction that I was a bad and harmful person. Every step of the way I lied, cheated and did what I had to do to protect myself and survive (if you want to call that surviving). And in the end I was an empty, hollow shell of a person who could not love myself or allow the love of others. When you are in that kind of pain you don’t think of right and wrong- you do what you have to do to make it to the next day. Until one day you are so fed up with your life that you don’t want a next day, you don’t even want a next hour.

Sometimes, as I drive down the freeway I look at the flood of cars all around me, and I wonder how many of those people feel the way I described above. And it makes me want to cry. It brings me back to a time when I was hopeless and I so desperately needed Jesus.

So many people around us need Jesus. Yet, we look at their sin with disgust and contempt. We compare their morality with ours and determine that they are “bad people”. But the Bible says that we ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God. It is so humbling to know that a Holy God looked at me, in my sin, and sent his son to die that I might be able to have life with Him. And he didn’t just do it for me. He did it for that person that I work for that lies and cheats everyone around him, he did it for the girl who uses her body as a tool to financially survive, for the drug addict that steals, for the man that abandons his kids. God loves those hurting people that hurt people. He wants to heal them and give them new life.

I have had people ask me how it was that my life changed- my answer is Jesus. There was no 5 point plan or program or prescription. There were some believers who loved me and showed me a God that loved me. They showed me a God that loved me just as I was, with no string attached. They showed me a God who saw my potential and that had a plan for my life. And once they showed me all I had to do was surrender. Some people hear the word surrender and think “that’s all I have to do?” But complete surrender is no easy task. It requires that you give up everything. And by everything, I mean everything. You let go of all control and trust God with your life.

When I finally surrendered to God I was to the point where I could not live life on my own anymore. And that is often the point where we need to be. Most of us are stubborn, selfish children who think we can manage all on our own. It is not until we have royally screwed up everything that we finally commit to letting God have control.

As I look around into the eyes of people on the streets, in my workplace and driving in my car- I honestly feel that there are many people that are to the point of surrender in their lives- they just don’t know what to do. So many people are hurting and overwhelmed and just waiting for an answer. The answer is the gospel! It is our jobs, as those who Jesus has saved, to show the love of Christ. This love should be patient, unconditional and unfailing. It is only through the love of Jesus that we will be able to reach the hurting people who hurt people.

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