Attacked! Part Two: Devastate and Destroy

Attacked! Part Two: Devastate and Destroy

If you have ever been addicted to a substance, you know that it turns you into a completely different person. You do things that you would never have done sober. I struggled with drugs for over four years. And after I kicked the drugs I struggles on and off with alcohol for another four years! For a good eight years of my life Satan had reign to devastate and destroy me. He knew that every mistake I made would make it that much harder to clean up. Because as you deteriorate, Satan makes a point to create shame in your heart for the things you have done. By the end of eight years I can tell you that I honestly hated myself. I hated everything that I had become and I thought that I could never be what I once was. I had ruined my life and there was no return to the innocence that I once embraced.

I experimented with many types of different drugs. And each destroyed me in a different way. I will not sit here and tell stories, as I do not want to glorify that type of life. I will tell you that using drugs- even “fun” drugs made me someone that I did not want to be. I have done everything from lying, stealing & cheating to using people, hurting people & backstabbing people. I have carelessly used my body and in some cases even sold my body for what I thought I needed in the moment. I have seen people almost die. I have almost died myself. I have enticed and encouraged other to do drugs- some of who are still using and some of who will never get their lives back because of their use. I hurt my family, I hurt my friends and I used and hurt men who actually cared about me. I cared only for myself. I did not think of others and I did not care to.

I tried repeatedly during those eight years to quit using and/or drinking. I grew up in recovery. I knew what I was doing was wrong. But every time I tried Satan would remind me of what I had done and of how I was no good. And I had no knowledge of how to overcome those thoughts. They replayed in my head over and over. All the mistakes I had made, people I had hurt and people who had hurt me would play like a recording in my brain. I often could not sleep because the thoughts were so loud in my brain.

So I tried and failed, tried and failed, tried and failed. Every time I tried I was attacked and I was never spiritually mature enough to know how to protect myself from these attacks. And each time I returned to using I fell even further than where I was the time before. Take two steps up and fall six backwards. That was my life for those eight years. Soon you begin to feel that there is no use. That if God did exist, He wasn’t concerned with you anymore. I felt He had given up on me and left me.

I wasted a lot of my life during those times. I wish I had had someone to guide me and help me. I hope that I can help someone in the way that I needed help. Because I discovered that with God it is so easy! If I had the tools then that I finally got a few years ago, I may not have wasted so much time.